“Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice.” Vin Diesel
At the core of Modern Man Advice is positive masculinity. Our vision of masculinity is at the center of our mission.
We live in a society where the stereotypes of man are deeply ingrained. The inaccurate expectations of how a man should behave have become a standard. Perhaps, we need to have an open discussion on breaking the stereotypes of masculinity. We need to openly analyze who we are as men and what society is lacking from us.
- How are history and stereotypes impacting our evolution and growth?
- What are the boundaries and definitions of modern masculinity?
- What is the true role of men in society?
- And more importantly, where do we go from here and how do we get there?
These are only a few of hundreds of questions men should start openly asking among each other. Men need to evolve, and in fact, are slowly starting to evolve. There are pillars that we deeply believe in and stand for. Pillars that we are starting to see shine through nowadays across modern men. Perhaps, some more than others and some quite distorted but there is progress. There is an evolution occurring.
We see a brotherhood of distinguished gentlemen. True everyday heroes and their simple acts of kindness and selflessness that go unknown to the media and therefore everyone’s reality. The humility and inspiration behind true providers and leaders. The reason that drives us forward and considers the collective.
This is why Modern Man Advice exists…
The Mold We Come From
We are where we came from. With or without realizing it, we become our fathers. And although most of us love our fathers, and in the eyes of a child they are true heroes and while some might be, the reality is that they have imperfections and flaws. Flaws that get passed down through generations.
We are human. We are naturally, and forever as long as we exist in this form, beautifully imperfect.
Flaws that are negatively impacting man’s wellness to this day. We have been simply conditioned and programmed for better or worse. The very cognitive conditioning that defines who you are as a man right now is unconsciously causing depression, anger, aggression, a sense of worthlessness, etc. And it ultimately leads you to a path of self-destruction.
What is expected of you and what you believe is expected of a man is preventing you from evolving. How you are shaped into the man you are right now might be the very reason preventing you from achieving ‘success’. Some molds are so strongly cemented in society that only serves to confine and limit us.
We crave growth and evolution.
History vs Evolution
Our history not only makes us and to some extent gives us an identity. But it also confines us. As mentioned in the previous section, it places us in a mold. The history of men has been based on stoicism and ultimately aggression. In fact, our history is one of the biggest challenges we face: A lack of emotional intelligence and the very stereotypes imposed by ourselves.
Yet, we do not understand what truly constitutes masculinity nor our role in the world. We are bringing an unbalance to the outcome. And it is noticeable, simply turn on the TV and watch the news. Or go to a bar and witness men acting like chimps (with all due respect animals deserve, of course). Stroll around a poor neighborhood and experience first-hand domestic violence. This is the bottom line, history repeating itself. A looped or broken record from the past. However, our history is not all bad. Far from it. It is simply a process that should act as a point of reference for the days ahead. The reality is, we as men need to evolve. We need to unmask this monster-of-sorts behind modern masculinity. We need to unchain from the very stereotypes we have imposed over ourselves.
The result of machoism and lack of emotional intelligence need to evolve into that of a distinguished gentleman. A man closely intimate and one with confidence, respect, integrity, dignity, abundance, and gracefulness.
The Problem With Modern Masculinity
How many times have our fathers told us “Boys don’t cry. Man up!”? Or how many times have we felt that we couldn’t expose our emotions and feelings purely out of fear of being seen as vulnerable or “less of a man”? More importantly, why are emotional and creative expressions seen as a threat to masculinity? These stereotypes have indeed created a monster of sorts. It has built a wall around us restricting us from evolving and growing. And lacking such an important aspect of being a human which is emotional intelligence.
The problem with modern masculinity stems from stereotypes and our history. Men’s inability to cope with emotions has grown a thick skin that results in violence, injustice, devolution, but more importantly male suicide and aggression towards women. The inadequate perception of our own gender has distance us from our opposite gender that gives balance to our positive force.
As Connor Beaton so perfectly and elegantly defined the problem with modern masculinity is “a misplaced sense of superiority”. This results in so many dangerous and destructive paths. Not only towards ourselves but those around us. And those around us are often the people we care about the most.
We are completely not being honest with ourselves.
Re-Defining Masculinity: The Duality Concept
Everything that you see around us is based on duality. The most basic unit of matter, an atom, is composed of the duality of protons and neutrons. Day and night. Hot and cold. Women and men. Positive and negative bring us balance.
Men, traditionally, have been the direct force. Our biology almost dictates a need to over impose and dictate how things work. It falsely gives men a sense that the world revolves around us. It superficially elevates our ego. A sense of false superiority. We only need to look at ourselves in the mirror and have an honest moment alone. Only some men are capable to be advocates of the beauty and subtlety of our biological strength. The balance for the natural duality between the two genders. We, as men, need to stop running away from the tough task to expose our vulnerabilities and the stereotypes associated with modern masculinity. Men need to take head-on these discussions that can push us forward. Perhaps, we need to redefine masculinity so we can bring back some balance to the equation. Or perhaps, we need to connect with our chivalry roots when we lived by a combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight: courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.
Is chivalry dead or just napping on the couch? We for one are certain that true masculinity is a giant sleeping inside of each of us. The first step is facing these uncomfortable questions and embracing the challenge in front of us.
Man Re-Branded: Walk Your Own Path
Let’s start with this simple, yet powerful statement: Change is absolutely possible.
However, the only true change starts within you. But of utmost importance, it starts with the next generation: Our sons.
While change is absolutely possible and necessary it is also restricted and imperfect for us men with a few years on our hands, our faces, and our brains. But pure change can occur with those the preceded us. Be the change you want to see the world and our sons will become like us. A better version of us.
Help the preceding generation stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution.